Papi's wife read my text and it was a bunch of icons with kisses and asking how he was. Although he changed my name to a girl's name, she obviously got devastated and went ballistic. She was very physical and was shouting at him. She hit him with a golf club and scratched his face with her nails. Their kids heard that they were fighting and they were crying.
I cannot put into words how I am exactly feeling now. So much emotions and thoughts going through my head.
I am feeling so guilty. Not just because she read my text but guilty because I am the third party.
Is all this worth it?
I know he needs me specially at this time and the last thing I want to happen is that they separate or get a divorce - I am just drowning with guilt.
I am a home wrecker.
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We do what we do, icarusboytoy, and sometimes what we do isn't very nice, but we do what we do nonetheless, for our own reasons, valid or not.
ReplyDeleteI do not doubt your current anguish, even if a cynical part of me says survival trumps guilt every time. Then again, this may be exacerbated from watching The Tudors for three straight nights now.
Perhaps it might assuage your conscience if we trot out the old "It takes two to tango" defense. Of course you share part of the blame, but home wrecker? Mayhap it's your papi who deserves that appellation.
As for his wife - well, she may be in pain now, but imagine how she'd feel if she finds out you're not even a girl.
People say a betrayal is a betrayal, and to some extent they are correct. However, like our personal hells, they can have many levels and take many grotesque forms. From what I know of most women, to have one's relationships threatened by the wiles of another woman is par for the course and must be expected. But to have that relationship be imperiled by a man...well, there are few words to describe the exquisiteness of that particular kind of world-shattering damnation.
As for your question "Is all this worth it?" - who's to say it isn't? If your papi saw fit to cheat on his spouse in the first place, if it wasn't with you, it would have been with someone else. And I say this in all honesty and with no sarcasm whatsoever: if his cheating was to happen anyway, why can't it be you who enjoys the spoils of his infidelity instead of some less-fair, less-intelligent, and altogether less worthy boy toy?
As someone too familiar with mental anguish, I can offer you little consolation regarding your current agonies.
But for what it's worth, I daresay I understand you.
Gee @RUDEBOY, you were actually quite kind. =)
ReplyDelete@ICARUSBOYTOY, you'll get over it. =)
@ joel : I try to be cruel only to my best friends.
ReplyDeleteBecause I know their shit, and they know mine.
i must say it really is heartbreaking whenever kids are involved... but i agree with rudeboy that it takes two to tango, so don't be too hard on yourself. stay safe and take care :)
ReplyDelete"In order for a marriage to work or any other long-term committed relationship to work, you have to be willing to do everything for the other person, including leaving them."
ReplyDeleteI just have a question for you. If this happened to you, what would you feel?